Miss Know-It-All


Has a friend or family member ever called you a “know-it-all”? Their sarcastic tone of voice screeches, “Don’t you go thinking I’m giving you a compliment!”

I’m guilty as charged; the receiver of this three-word accusation. And I’m pissed. Nobody wants to be viewed as a–you know what. But it’s important, especially in this day and age, for us each to take an active interest in what’s going on around us. See something “wrong,” address the situation, right? Excuse the pun!

The other night, I was walking into a restaurant and I noticed the guy in front of me has let his pants fall below his hips. I silently admire the black boxer shorts and remind myself to shut up. But then, the nice young man turns to open the door for me. I ask you, has the universe not just given me an opportunity to make things right? I thank him, a thousand-watt smile on my lips. Then, just as he is about to step foot into the restaurant I say, “You might want to pull up your pants!”

He turns back to me, the wattage of his smile now matching mine. “I would,” he confides, “but I recently bought this heavy belt buckle and it drags the pants down.”

“Oh,” I say helpfully. “My son has the same problem!” I’m lying. My son shares less than half this man’s girth. “What he does,” I continue, “is wear a light-weight buckle for his khakis.”

“Problem is, this buckle’s expensive, so I wear it as often as possible.”

Even I can see this conversation is going nowhere fast. “Okay,” I say cheerfully. “Have a great night!”

His eyes twinkle. “Same to you!”

As he turns away, my high-voltage smile turns to a pained grimace. You can’t help everybody!

Later that night, I phone my kids to tell them what happened. They’re on me like ants on watermelon. “Stop being a Miss Know-It-All, Mom! That’s the style!”

“Fine,” I grumble. “I will never attempt to help another person!”

Then they tell me that a family friend of ours just came down with a bad case of COVID.

“If they go to the pharmacy, they can get over-the-counter medicine for free. Did they even get a booster?”

“Mom!” they hiss.

I know, I know. Just call me Miss Know-It-All.